Nina, my no.1 big sister & 2nd in the family, was having heavy contractions today because she was pregnant for almost 7 months as I write this post. That would possibly make her have, if it happens, a pre-mature birth of her child. And honest to God, I didn’t know what to expect. I’m still surviving a hard crash of emotional trauma over the past years, having had to deal with most of the mixed emotions & thoughts alone. I’m still moving on, although that has passed now & everything seems to be fine now, and there’s still more issues to deal with in the near future and receiving news like that about my sister really made me panic. I think I still need to figure out how to deal with getting calls from hospitals. Sigh. I rushed to the hospital and making silent prayers. Got there and there was her lying on the bed, her face crutching in pain. My brother in law, Shaiful, was next to her, after asking what was he jotting down on the notebook everytime Nina clenched his fists tightly; he was writing down the time everytime a contraction happen. It’s important data for doctors. They can anticipate if it’s really necessary to do whatever they need to do if it happens way too often. I mean, everytime it happens, she’s in pain. That ain’t cool. So I learned a new thing today. Someday. Anyhow, what I wanted to share was the moments Shaiful reacted to his wife’s pain. I don’t mean to be cliche, but it was really like he was trying to channell all that pain from her to him. He was wishing hard to himself that it is possible to take all my sister’s pain away. And you don’t get to see that everyday. Even better, you probably don’t get to notice it the way I didn’t expect myself to notice as well. Long story short, there’s a lot of history between myself and my brother in law. And some were bad history. Really bad. And I still respect him because he is still my sister’s husband & father to her kids. So, I try not to make life harder than it already is and just enjoy being an uncle to those monkeys. And I’m the bigger monkey. I mean, their kids. Bananas. Anyhow, I get to witness how he played his part as head of his family. I have nothing but respect of him because he survived the highs and lows of family life. But I never witnessed his profession of love to my sister. And as a brother, I’d like to see my sister happy. But when I saw what I saw today… damn… she is happy. He got her back. And of course I know for sure, after I think more than 10 years of marriage, she got his back. And hardly you get to witness such a thing. I mean, I see these sometimes from both of my parents and I can tell you they are sooo “jiwang”. Haha. So, I had an idea of what “spending the rest of my life together with you” really mean. But when I saw how actions really spoke louder than words today, I think I’m going to add a bit more to the meaning of that statement. To be honest, it’s really mind blowing to me. You don’t get to see something like this everyday & take note of what it means and how things add up together. It’s a little bit over thinking, but I don’t really know why I noticed that. And being able to write this post trying to tell a story about that. I don’t really know why. I leave that question unanswered. I’m just glad to be able to write this down so that I don’t think I’m going crazy. Got lots to do. Places to be. People to help. Life to live. That’s what I have now. And it’s all good. My sister is alright & healthy and I know they can do this. I can tell myself now there’s really nothing to worry about. Oh, the nurses were really cute. Damn.

How much of strength is required to sustain suppression of extreme degree? At pressured, wonder how long can it last? A week? 3 days? 12 hours? 1 minute? At one point, does it explode? OR does it just exponentially & collectively become so destructive that sooner and later, it’s debris can eradicate almost anything at it’s path?

The danger: hopeless.