As much as i’d like to admit, i’ve been fighting thru an episode which has was expected but never been seen. My thoughts were clear, but my actions were not. It’s a gruelling fight, where none has lost and none has won. It’s a reality fight, which none has been hurt, with an exception of my own soul.

My childhood, was not like any other childhood. I was born one day. In some ways, I lived a normal childhood. Playing, being mischievious, being a ruckuss, being myself. But then, a simple twist of fate, or shall i call it, bad timing, changed much of my own little life. This bad timing made me miss much of what i had hoped to experience, but i couldn’t turn back time, even if i wanted to.

At a young age, i began to assist in any way i can in order to repent my sins, my own bad behaviour. I have lived a childhood where my dreams were at lost, but i had the pleasure of seeing other dreams came true, bit by bit, but it wasn’t mine. For i begin a life to work at a very young age, others were living in dreams. I had the pleasure of living a different kind of dream, which i never thought to live at such a young age. I lost the time of my younghood. Others had the pleasure living. Others had the pleasure of living their dreams, as i had the pleasure to destroy my own in order to make other’s come true.

Luxury. I never had the luxury of being normal, but others do. I never had the luxury of living a somewhat normal life, but others do. I never had the luxury of living a normal childhood, but others do. I never had the luxury of building a treehouse with friends, just because my time was not for me but i feel lost. I never had the luxury of pursuing hard enough for my own dreams.

In front of me, there was a thin line. If i cross over, i lose my sanity. Something and someone held me back to stop me from crossing, saving myself. But, what shall i do? Shall i pursue or shall i lose more than i had already lost?

This episode has not yet ended, but it is in between. To what end, i will never know.